Home Handyman

Members Login
Username 
 
Password 
    Remember Me  
Post Info TOPIC: Retirement


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 5596
Date:
Retirement


One day a man decided to retire...

He booked himself on a Caribbean cruise and proceeded to have the time of his life, that is, until the ship sank.


He soon found himself on an island with no other people, no supplies, nothing, only bananas and coconuts.


After about four months, he is lying on the beach one day when the most gorgeous woman he has ever seen rows up to the shore.

In disbelief, he asks, "Where did you come from? How did you get here?"

She replies, "I rowed over from the other side of the island where I landed when my cruise ship sank."

"Amazing," he notes. "You were really lucky to have a row boat wash up with you."

"Oh, this thing?" explains the woman. " I made the boat out of some raw material I found on the island. The oars were whittled from gum tree branches. I wove the bottom from palm tree branches, and the sides and stern came from an Eucalyptus tree."

"But, where did you get the tools?"

"Oh, that was no problem," replied the woman. " On the south side of the island, a very unusual stratum of alluvial rock is exposed.
I found that if I fired it to a certain temperature in my kiln, it melted into ductile iron and I used that to make tools and used the tools to make the hardware."

The guy is stunned.

"Let's row over to my place," she says "and I'll give you a tour." So, after a short time of rowing, she soon docks the boat at a small wharf. As the man looks to shore, he nearly falls off the boat.
Before him is a long stone walk leading to a cabin and tree house.

While the woman ties up the rowboat with an expertly woven hemp rope, the man can only stare ahead, dumb struck. As they walk into the house, she says casually, "It's not much, but I call it home. Please sit down."

"Would you like a drink?"
"No! No thank you," the man blurts out, still dazed. "I can't take another drop of coconut juice."

"Oh, it's not coconut juice," winks the woman. "I have a still. How would you like a Tropical Spritz?"



Trying to hide his continued amazement, the man accepts, and they sit down on her couch to talk. After they exchange their individual survival stories, the woman announces,

" I'm going to slip into something more comfortable. Would you like to take a shower and shave? There's a razor in the bathroom cabinet upstairs."


No longer questioning anything, the man goes upstairs into the bathroom. There, in the cabinet is a razor made from a piece of tortoise bone. Two shells honed to a hollow ground edge are fastened on to its end inside a swivel mechanism.

"This woman is amazing," he muses. "What's next?"
When he returns, she greets him wearing nothing but some small flowers on tiny vines, each strategically positioned, she smelled faintly of gardenias. She then beckons for him to sit down
next to her.

"Tell me," she begins suggestively, slithering closer to him, "We've both been out here for many months.You must have been lonely. When was the last time you played around?
She stares into his eyes.

He can't believe what he's hearing. "You mean..." he swallows excitedly as tears start to form in his eyes,
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
!
"You've built a Golf Course?"


noconfuseconfuseconfuse





-- Edited by Bad Rat on Thursday 16th of May 2013 06:23:54 PM

__________________

Day br />http://s670.photobucket.com/albums/vv68/BADRAT01/
 

https://picasaweb.google.com/106336891618669151824/ALLANGLIA1BuildPictures#



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 1526
Date:

confuseconfuseconfusebiggrinbiggrinbiggrin



__________________
Rrumbler - Broken and grouchy, but not dead - yet. Bangin' and twistin' on stuff for some sixty years or so.


Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 5596
Date:

That retard deserves to be on that island ,, That fancy blond can do all those things but NOBODY can fix STUPID,,DUHHHH!!!



__________________

Day br />http://s670.photobucket.com/albums/vv68/BADRAT01/
 

https://picasaweb.google.com/106336891618669151824/ALLANGLIA1BuildPictures#



Newbie

Status: Offline
Posts: 2
Date:

Good one biggrin

 

  Randy



__________________


Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 1943
Date:

Golfers are SICK puppies. I played for years - then had a wake up call and decided blonds were more fun. Never did, never will play again



__________________

Dave W (Irelands Child/IC2)

Quando omni flunkus, moritati (When all else fails, play dead - R Green)



Guru

Status: Offline
Posts: 9419
Date:

Been surrounded by "Duffers" all my life but thank God it never rubbed off. One of my best friends in College was there on a golf scholarship and I caddied for him a couple of times but only because he bought the beer afterwards. There's something about "whack" - - "walk" - - "wait" - - "whack" - - "walk" - - "wait" that just don't get the adrenaline working for me.

__________________

"Life is a Poem - - it has Rhyme and Reason" author: Me



Senior Member

Status: Offline
Posts: 1943
Date:

Surrounded, but not surrendered!!!!

The political group that we both belong to has a big golf tournament every fall where all of the party's elected state, county and town officials, many of the town's business owners and way too many of the local lawyers attend - it's fracking expensive(yep, I too am retired/broke). As I'm one of the 4 on the groups executive board I'm expected to attend, play, work, socialize and whatever. Last year was the first time I even went to the dinner afterwards after 10 plus years of belonging to the group. Golf is repressed in my genes. My parents were heavily involved with one of the local clubs and my grandparents started the club in my home town.

Did I say that I don't/wont play golf??



__________________

Dave W (Irelands Child/IC2)

Quando omni flunkus, moritati (When all else fails, play dead - R Green)

Page 1 of 1  sorted by
 
Quick Reply

Please log in to post quick replies.



Create your own FREE Forum
Report Abuse
Powered by ActiveBoard